You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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