I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
