turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
