if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
