U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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