Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
