Can Purell be used as lube?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
