Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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