The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize