the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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