Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
