Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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