Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
