thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you would pick up someone in the library
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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