Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
