Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
