I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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