Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
