also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
