We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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