I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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