; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
