Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
