Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
where are you?
Hypothermia
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
