if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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