Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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