I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
