My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
