i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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