I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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