im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
