ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
