Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
