Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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