never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont even know how to be here
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
