Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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