he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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