dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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