Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
