I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
