I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
