well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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