Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
