I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
