Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
