Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize