when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize