Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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