Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
