i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize