He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I deserve this hangover.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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