Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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