you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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