i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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