why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize