yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
