Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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