Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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