Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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