smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
