you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
