Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
