it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
