Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
